...by Rhonda Wigington
As most of you know, Darren, my husband, and our pastor, is on Day 33 of a 40 Day Sabbatical. A few weeks before he even knew that the Lord was asking this of him, the Lord put in my heart that He was about to require more of me. When the 40 Days came about, I thought that was what He was requiring of me. You see, Darren and I have always been not only partners in life, but in ministry as well. I felt that the separation was going to be what He required.
Little did I know that the 40 Days was going to be a tool that He used to show me exactly what He was requiring. As the weeks went on, circumstances and situations that were going on with Darren and me, and messages I heard here at the Church of the Cove (thank you, Logan, Bryan, Tony and Jim) caused me to stop in my tracks. God began to peel back all the layers of my heart - and it wasn't pretty. He gave me a scripture that I didn't like very well.
"I will melt you down and skim off your slag. I will remove all your impurities" Isaiah 1:25b
See, I thought everything was okay. I loved the Lord, talked to Him and He talked to me. My worship has been real and I continue to be amazed by Him. But, the Lord began to show me that I was just on the surface. He wanted me to go so much deeper. He began to show me sins that I had hidden deep, deep in my heart that I wasn't willing to let go of - jealousy, pride, fear, insecurity (He showed me that all insecurity is, is putting trust in something or someone besides Him). I had buried these sins so deep and hidden them so long (from almost everyone except my husband and kids) that I thought I could just ignore them and that God would ignore them too. But, through the 40 Days, God let me know that He loves me so much that He can't ignore them.
So, He is skimming off the slag - it's painful. The songs we sing mean so much more to me today than they did a few weeks ago. As we sing "Come With Love" I know that He has come to me and told me that He is jealous for me. He wants all of me. When we sing "From The Inside Out", I truly pray that He will consume me from the inside out. I want to lose myself in bringing Him praise.
I need your prayers. I'm still wrestling this thing out. The Word says to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I struggled with sharing this with you. I felt that you may not respect me anymore, but I know that was the enemy. I feel so burdened to share this, because I feel that there are more people like me. People who know in the deepest part of their heart that God is asking them to let go of their junk, but they keep pushing it deeper and deeper, thinking they can just ignore it.
I'm begging you to let go of it. The longer you hold on, the harder it is and the more painful the process. God is getting us ready for something HUGE. Let's give up - surrender.
I feel that I need to share that I love my husband dearly. I miss him so much and can't wait until he gets home. BUT, Darren is not my savior. The only place I can find real identity and security is in Christ Alone. That is the only place you will find yours too.
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